welcome to magic city
a work of fantasy, brought to you by ExxonMobil™ and Coca-Cola™
Hey, you! Yes, you there! I’m talking to you! Do you want to hear something that’ll change your life forever? Well come a little closer and I’ll tell ya.
What’ll it cost ya? Why, nothing of course, but a few minutes of your time.
Friends, do you ever get the feeling that you’re stuck? That life has passed you by? Going nowhere fast; your ship has sailed…the train has left the station! You’ve been doing the same old thing day in and day out but nothing ever seems to get better. You might say to yourself, it’s the Man that’s keeping me down, but oh no, folks. Oh no, that’s not the problem. Not at all. Pay no attention to the Man behind the curtain, because let me let you in on a little secret, folks: he doesn’t exist. There are no ivory towers, no alabaster palaces, not since the French Revolution! There are no men who move only in dimly lit halls, determining your future for you. No systems in place to uphold the status quo, or whatever nonsense those freeloving hippie pinkos are saying these days. You are the master of your fate and no one else, and I’m gonna show you how you can take fate into your own hands.
What if I told you there’s a place where all your dreams can come true? Where you could be whatever and whoever you wanted? Where you could make something of yourself? You, friend, what do you want most in life? You want a new house? Well, this place has houses aplenty, the most beautiful houses you’ve ever seen! Five, six, seven, ten thousand square feet! And the banks are just handing out mortgages like cotton candy!
How about you, friend, what is it your heart truly desires? You want love? A chance to meet that special someone? Well, the place I’m talking about has the most beautiful people, the smartest, sexiest, most glamorous men, women, and folks of a nonbinary persuasion you’ve ever seen! People so stunning they’ll knock your socks off! You’ll find your future partner in no time! Maybe your future paramour as well, if you catch my drift.
Now, what is it that you want, friend? A chance to succeed in business without really trying? A chance to reach the top? Well, what if I told you that this place has all the hottest companies? The most in-demand positions? You could work with the best and the brightest: movers, shakers, producers, people who understand the future, who can see where the world is headed. Sharp cookies, real tough customers, up-and-comers like yourself. A land of limitless opportunity!
And you friend, maybe you want to re-invent yourself? No, no need to say anything. I can always tell. You want to be beautiful, to be admired, to finally be seen as the movie star you are. Where I’m talking about, you can become anyone you want. Change your name, get a new haircut, maybe a little plastic surgery, who cares? The place I’m about to show you? It was made for people like you.
And you there, you haven’t spoken up yet. What is it that would make your heart sing, my unassuming friend? Is it the power? The prestige? The cars, the jewelry, the flashy designer clothes? The penthouse apartment on Park Avenue? Do you want to be filthy, stinking rich? You do, I can see it in your eyes! You don’t have to say a word! As the Good Book says, the meek shall inherit the earth! Or in your case, all the riches therein, because where I’m talking about, all you have to do is work hard and never give up, and you too could become a billionaire!
Now right now, you might be saying to yourself, no way, this gal’s crazy! What is this garbage? She’s lying out her ass, talking through her teeth! She’s pulling our legs. She can’t possibly mean any of that nonsense she’s spouting off about.
But I’m here to tell you folks, I’m not crazy, and I’m not lying. The place I’m talking about? It’s real. It exists, and it’s right here under your feet. All ya have to do is believe. That’s right, never underestimate the power of faith! Like the Good Book says, you must walk by faith and not by sight. Don’t believe me yet? You say you need proof? Well here it is folks, I’m your proof! I came from nothing! I was a blue collar working gal like many of you! I was barely scraping by, until one day I looked up and I was out on the street, didn’t have a bite to eat or a penny to my name!
I lost everything; my job, my house, the love of my life, but you know what I did? Do ya think I gave up? Do ya think I fell into a pit of despair and self-pity? Do you think I went down to the soup kitchen, the unemployment line, or the welfare office to get a check made up of your tax dollars, courtesy of Uncle Sam? No, sir! No, ma’am! I did what every God-fearing, hardworking, red-blooded American would do! I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, dusted myself off, and took the first flight to a better place, where the grass is always greener and sun is always shining and the air smells like freshly-printed dollar bills. That’s right, folks. And I’m gonna help you get there, too.
Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between, step right up and claim your prize! That’s right, today you’re all winners, because each of you, my friends, wins a first class, one-way ticket to Magic City, and the plane leaves today.
Magic City is the place where dreams come true, where fairytales are made. Magic City, where your hard work always pays off, where everyone has the same opportunity to become great. It doesn’t matter the color of your skin, or which side of the tracks you were born on, or where you go to Sunday service, or what you call yourself, or who you decide to do the horizontal tango with. In Magic City, everyone’s a winner!
Friends, if you’re ready to take the plunge, to finally have the life you always dreamed of, then come with me, and I’ll show you the place that everybody told you about but no one could ever find. It’s the place where fortunes are made, where miracles happen every day, and the streets are paved with gold. This is your chance to finally make it.
Welcome to the greatest place in the world, heaven on earth.
Welcome to Magic City.
